Wednesday, April 30, 2008

something heavenly

"It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender..."

When I first heard this song, there was something unspoken that drew me to it. I didn't even listen to the words at first, just let Matt's voice (Sanctus Real) seep into me. There was a tone, and I like to say a call to my Spirit, that made me listen closely. No matter how many times it happens, I am always amazed how God speaks to my heart. He knows what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear. He knows my introspectvive soul, and he knows how music wakes me from the slump I put myself in. In those moments, all I can do is surrender.

"Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly..."

Isn't it strange how the oxymoron of our emotions can somehow exist? This is exactly how I felt when I started studying culture and communications. I felt so at chaos and yet, as I said last week, I feel at peace.

"Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To..."

Matt speaks of something I think all of us experience. A wanderer's heart, that aimlessly climbs over the mountains. What goal am I after? Why is God allowing me to experience pain and hardship? What is it I am supposed to learn? I know that everything is for my well-being, and my Father wants nothing more than to speak to my heart. I am at a quiet place today, understanding that there are many things God wants to show me. There has been a long season of not knowing what it is he is doing inside of me. But I believe he is ready to show me.

"Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears"

I think he, no I know, he was waiting for me to face up. To seek him in everything again. To release all the things that were holding me back. He knew there were things on my heart that I still needed to bring to him. It's an amazing moment to get to share with you, whoever you are, the moment where my Savior tells me I am ready to hear what he knows I have been waiting for--why am I climbing this mountain?

"Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This *is* something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly"

So, in the quiet of my heart, and the readiness of my soul, he told me.
...Seek me, know that I am always with you, I love you beyond the beauty of the sunrise you saw this morning, beyond the stars you gaze at tonight, and I am preparing you for the work you have to do for me. There are people you will reach with what you have gained. You will give them that hope and fight you hold inside of your own heart. They will see ME in you, once you reach the top of this mountain. I know this mountain has been a hard climb for you, and I know your heart is ready for peace again. But you are right, this is bigger than you. I have so much for you to gain from everything that has been overwhelming and confusing you. I know you trust me, and I know you love me. Hold onto that reminder of something heavenly. Look for the sunrise I give you tomorrow. I will be there with you. No more chaos. I am here.

"It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out"

Song Lyrics © Sanctus Real "Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)"

Friday, April 25, 2008

stop this train

"Don't stop this train,
Don't for a minute change the place you’re in..."

Strange place in life. I still have to remind myself I'm almost 22. I'm getting older, getting married, and soon getting a degree in Cultural Communication (though not soon enough). I'll never stop this train, the movement of time as I advance into another season of life. I definitely don't want to stop it. I'm just reminiscent of the changes in my life when I reached adulthood and now as I rest comfortably in it. Life is good...

"Once in a while, it'll feel like it should..."

Life definitely is GOOD. I can't imagine being anymore confident in what is happening in my life at this moment. Though I have no idea what will be going on this time next year, I can rest assured that I am completely protected by the Lord’s will in my life, for I am certain I am living out his will. The past year has changed everything about the way I look at the world. And I can believe that five years from now, everything I see will take on a different shade, or maybe even change color. I feel so at peace about being in the dark. Strange statement, but I am so excited for the unexpected because I know that whatever happens God will be the one leading me through it.

When I started studying intercultural communications I was thrown for a big loop. Life in the Western world suddenly opened up and I was gazing at everything with a global perspective. That perspective carried over into my personal life, and as questions started to fill my mind I was sent into a strange and lovely place of discovery. There were so many things that I came to learn and am still learning that have changed so much about how I look at missions and Christianity. If I had any doubt I was studying the wrong thing in school, God has eased all those doubts and in turn put a feeling of peace in my heart.

I've come to understand the value of culture and Christianity in every country around the world. You cannot remove a person form their culture, though you may be able to offer Christianity, the customs and traditions that have been instilled in them cannot be removed all together.

There is a wonderful movie I recommend to anyone interested in missions abroad, or even at home. It is called "The End of the Spear." The story in itself is life changing, and based on real events, but I won't describe that here. What stood out to me was the way in which culture and Jesus were able to coincide. A young girl from this tribe tries to get her people to understand the concept of Jesus. SO she takes the "god" they have all grown up with and describes him as a god who has a son. A son who died for the world and their sins. As time goes on they understand the difference between their "god" and God, but it is the way that she understood her people enough to know that they needed that sense of their own culture to understand the message she wanted to give them.

Missions are not just a two-week stay somewhere. Missionary work is a life calling on each and every one of us. Even if your mission work is in the States, or in the Amazon, or somewhere in Switzerland. Missions is just God's call on us to share his Son with the world. But as I get older and the world changes I realize that my own understandings of the world must deepen. If I wish to go out and spread the good news, I must understand the people that live in the places I go out into. And it is this understanding that gives me the peace that God put me in that field of study for a very important reason. It is the vision of teaching others - fellow missionaries, students, businessman - about the cultures they are stepping into, that has made me see that God has placed that very special call on my life.

I have been a missionary since I was fifteen, and one day I will be a missionary in another country. When? I don't know for sure. I do know that God has given me that desire, and I know that in his own time he will open the right doors, so long as I am seeking his will I will know when to step forward. And I know, that he has given me an amazing man to reassure me of that purpose and to give me companionship as we travel across the world. I will never stop this train, or wish to change the place I am in. I am uncertain, but at peace. I am clueless, but I have faith. And I certainly am not an expert, but God is training me and he has given me the ultimate confidence in his will for that area of my life.

Go out into the world. Even if it is the downtown area of the city you live. Even if it is giving that homeless man a Bible and a word of hope. Even if it is merely serving that cup of coffee with a smile. Even if it is driving patiently on overcrowded Bear Valley. Spread the good news, and that message of Jesus to every person. And if you can, reach into the parts of them that matter- their traditions, their culture, their hearts.

Blessings!

P.S. I highly recommend the song "Stop This Train" with much credit given to John Mayer for his help on establishing this long entry of thoughts:)

Blessings again!